A mistake?

The image I think I should have used in the final part of my assignment.
100 ISO, 24mm, f2.8, 1/160 - speedlight set to manual 1/4

Ever since submitting my first assignment for this course last week I have regretted the choice I made for my final image showing contrast within a single photograph.

So this is a post that will be filed under thoughts and reflections as well as being an afterword in the assignment.  I'm not sure if I would be allowed to change the final image after submission if the assignment was going to be counted in the final overall grade for the course so I'm simply adding this as further reflection rather than replacing the actual final image I chose.  For me what matters is the process I have been through - making a decision and then questioning it; and then finding a way to adjust if possible and if not at least record my thoughts.

I set out to take a photograph of my son who is 9 wearing a suit which was relatively expensive especially considering he will hardly wear it because a) he is either in school uniform or jeans as appropriate for a 9 year old boy, b) we are not the sort of family who regularly go anywhere formal, c) it's too expensive to live in the dressing up box where his nylon £5 suit which he wore when pretending to be Doctor Who (David Tennant) resides, d) he hardly dresses up in play now anyway as he seems to have moved beyond that unlike his younger brother who is 6.

As well as wearing the suit he is standing in a room that is very chaotic indeed.  I venture in periodically to tidy up and disinfect but I tend to leave the room alone on a day to day basis as it is not mine.  The room is filled with very childish toys which he rarely looks at now apart from the Lego.  It also has a baby motif on the wall as we are renting and I have not removed it.  So there are symbols of various stages of childhood in the room.

As well as the all the outer contrasts  - a grown up expensive suit more commonly seen on adults in the corporate world where we presume (perhaps mistakenly) that order and structure reign, childish toys, a chaotic room filled with childish toys, no shoes - there are also contrasts evident in the face and body language of my son.  He is still very much a little boy but he is growing up and beginning to get a sense of what it might feel like to be a man.  He is sweet and kind but also brooding and angry and determined to present an image of himself that is at odds with how is when he is free, running round the playground laughing about things young boys laugh about.  His manner in the string of photos I took is quite an extreme example of a male boy presenting a very tough exterior which denies but reveals the insecure inner child who cries and gets upset when computer time ends or worse is banned, or who flies off the handle about seemingly small things.

Finally, the last contrast is the way he looks straight into the camera but is actually hiding behind his gesture.  So he looks like he's being very upfront but in fact he is not.  I gave virtually no direction other than asking him to stand in a certain spot.

When I took the photo my other children sidled in on a couple and I loved the extra contrasts they offered - which I speak about here.  But the photograph I chose for the final part of the assignment is technically flawed and it's quite obvious.  So I think on reflection I should have stuck with my original idea and used a photo that was as I'd imagined and conceived, plus better technically. 

In a way the individual child is more striking, not least because of the gesture.  I think after all it is a much stronger image than the one I originally posted.

Finally, I don't think I mentioned the reason for using black and white.  The mess in the room is so overwhelming that I felt removing one dimension, colour, would make the image stronger.

Assignment 1 - Single image with contrast

Growing 

100 ISO, 24mm, f2.8, 1/160 - speedlight set to manual 1/4

Since posting this I have added an afterthought here.
I hope this afterthought (and the image it contains) can be considered as the actual final image rather than the one above but if not then at least my learning process is evident.

I am very annoyed with myself.  I have spent the last week really getting to grips with using high apertures when taking photographs of groups.  I tend to use f2.8 for close up portraits and my camera is often left in that setting.  I was originally planning to take a photo of my oldest son in his suit and so had the camera set at f2.8 but should absolutely have changed it to at least f5.6 for this - even if it was just him.  I think the habit of using very low numbers is related to the fact that I am trying to also take photos of families and I know the fashion is for soft out of focus backgrounds.  (Even though I am aware that narrow depth of field isn't all about low apertures it's a trap that I have failed to resist keeping away from) However, having thought so much about it this week I am pleased that I achieved some good photos yesterday using higher values and wish I'd thought more clearly when taking this image.  It's probably important to remember that fashion doesn't necessarily need to be adhered to here and it might have worked very well to have everything pin sharp even in the background.

The other thing that I have got to grips with this week is focal points.  I have become aware that many photographers use the central focal point and then re-compose before pressing the shutter.  I have tended to stop and move my focal points around which is very limiting.  So I am getting used to doing things with the central focal point and recomposing as others do.  I was quite nervous yesterday but it seemed to work pretty well.  I still changed points when doing close up portraits though.

In this photo my middle son is most sharp - which is a mistake, although perhaps an unconscious moment on my part, revealing yet more contrasts.  I have been worrying about him recently although that changed by the end of the week and started worrying about my oldest.

I have chosen this photo for my final image despite it's lack of technical expertise - is that crazy?  I can't re-shoot it  The room is tidy, the moment has passed.  It wasn't quite what I planned but I like all the different contrasts in it.  I am currently reading Manhood by Steve Biddulph and this photo seems to illustrate the transition from sweet adoring open baby to sullen, uncomfortable with his difficult emotions, pre-teen perfectly.  I wanted to take a photo of my oldest son, still very much a child, wearing this suit that he was bought and which he wore for a dressing up day to school.  The mess in the room, common in childhood and an expression of his chaotic way of being contrasts with the somewhat ridiculously expensive suit, more typically seen on an adult and in an office.  Each of their faces reveals a different emotion, attitude and relationship with each-other and the world.  The iPad is so different to the toys that litter the floor - Lego, puzzles, teddies.  Old fashioned toys vs the ultimate modern toy.  I like this photo even though it's technically a mess and one that I would reject if someone was paying me - one of many inevitable losses when shooting wide-open, and without strobes.

Here are some others from the same moment - some of them with much better focus but without the two younger ones.  Both are shot with same values as before.

Assignment 1 - Pairs of contrasting images

Rounded - ISO 80 10mm f1.8 1/160

Diagonal - ISO 800 10mm f2 1/320

Hard - hard toys, hard light, hard mess, hard being
 ISO 100 50mm f5.6 1/200 speedlight

Soft - soft curves, soft light, soft touch, soft person
ISO 100 24mm f2.8 1/160

Moving
ISO 100 10mm f7.1 1sec

Still
ISO 80 10mm f1.8 1/320 (don't know why I chose these values)

Continuous
ISO 400 20mm f3.5 1/250

Intermittent
ISO 800 10mm f1.8 1/250

Liquid - although there is a solid here too
ISO 80 10mm f4.5 1/160

Solid - but you can see through it
ISO 100 10mm f1.8 1/640

Transparent
ISO 80 10mm f1.8 1/25

Opaque
ISO 400 10mm f2.5 1/160

Dark - in daylight
ISO 125 10mm f5.6 1/800

Light - different forms at night
ISO 800 23mm f3.5 1/40

Sour - sometimes it's difficult not to be
ISO 1600 10mm f2.2 1/80

Sweet - he tries hard not to be but it still gets the better of him, thankfully
ISO 800 10mm f2.5 1/40

Assignment 1 - Reflection

Look at the assessment criteria for this course: review how you think you have done against the criteria.

I think I am probably just about technically competent in the main although still have a great deal to learn, and recognise where I have failed to be competent - even using some less than competent work at times.  I would say that every time I do a shoot I learn and the handle I have on it all improves (probably far slower than I'd like).  I can see many examples of images where I cannot understand what I was thinking regarding the values I chose - such as using f1.8 when I really should have gone for something a lot smaller (higher number).  I also tend to leave the values where they are when I should change them.  Even though I did feel I understood this all quite well I think I have absorbed and understood it more profoundly just recently.

I have struggled to work out how Blogger works best so I can present everything clearly but I hope I have managed to get round things.  My system might be a little odd - I hope not. Being ordered and clear takes an enormous amount of thought and effort.  I think I could also find greater levels of flair and professionalism in the way I present everything - I suspect it's done in a rather pedestrian way. 

I have without a doubt been influenced by reading about, seeing and reflecting on other people's work since starting this course and I can see it filtering through to other areas of my photographic life.  What this means often is I am seeing the gulf between what I want to achieve and what I am actually achieving.

It feels weird to think I might be assessed (if I go that route) on my creativity.  Creativity is something, of course, that can be developed and revealed but I am who I am - and perhaps I'm never going to be the most creative person in the world.  I am painfully aware of my limitations and have in the last year or so decided not to allow those limitations to prevent me from taking risks and putting myself on the line.  'Finding a voice' is a lifelong project and one that always seems just out of grasp but I do feel as if I have taken steps recently and am perhaps moving closer. 

Looking at my work I can see where I have put myself on the line - the mere fact I am here at all says a lot.  But that doesn't stop me from recognising examples that might be derivative of other people's art that I might have seen and remembered consciously and otherwise.

I am concerned that my reflections and other written work is far from academic.  I chat away and perhaps it's not always appropriate but it feels more enjoyable than writing in a dry and very serious way.  I'm not sure where I'm meant to be in relation to that.