I have reverted my blog to public rather than private. As when I first made it private, I am in two minds (maybe this is a just a state of being for me and I should get used to being split about things).
I am however, clearer about some aspects of doing things online rather than in the real world.
It's isolated. And isolating as is so much of social networking and internet communication. It's also potentially unsatisfying - like eating and then finding the thing you were eating had insufficient substance so makes you crave more. This has been looked at by a study I saw mentioned on the news a few weeks ago - and which I will have to look up.
It's certainly very much harder to build relationships - perhaps you can but it will take a lot longer. Relationships are so important for group feedback and support - both ways. When you're in the actual proximity of other people you begin to care about them and they about you. Even hostages and kidnappers experience this. People begin to become significant to each other as they work together. Tutors, students alike.
I'm really not sure that at this point in my life if online study is right for me. I may not have enjoyed every moment of university when I was there but I learnt a great deal from it and that was thanks to the relationships I had with my fellow students and the tutors - real, significant human relationships which is what life in my mind is all about. We're a society that has been busily throwing relationships away and now devised a way - the internet - where you can sort of exist with having fewer and fewer, less fulfilling human relationships. Only sort of exist though.
I also realise since making this blog public again I am not comfortable with some of the images here - well quite a lot but the ones of my children in particular. And will now have to remove at least one or more of them. Which is a shame because they are images I am proud of and would have liked to discuss them with someone and the issues that surround such images - the complexities surrounding one image in particular are too great to remain here without any boundaries.
I love doing this course. I truly love it. But there are so many awkward things about existing online that are troubling for me. It's brilliant in so many ways too because it makes some form of study possible and I know for many it would be impossible if not for the internet. For me too until later next next year. But until I can my head round some of this, I will continue to consider what other options may work better. On one hand - yes, this may be a case of the grass being greener somewhere else, but I certainly do think my concerns are valid.
I look forward to chatting this through with my tutor.
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