Jessa Fairbrother - Working with the self

I have been meaning to write about Jessa Faibrother for a while as I have been looking carefully at her work to inform some of mine, almost gaining permission to try things out from her, after having being directed towards her site by my tutor, Andrew Conroy. The other day I received her blog update; in it she discusses some questions that I have been asking myself too.

Fairbrother was asked what her work is about.  She struggled to answer and gave what seems to have been in her mind fairly stock answers, although I thought they were pretty valid.  She is interested in gesture, psychoanalysis, and also "performance of the mind" - these are the things that have interested me too although I suspect we are coming at them from different places.  Fairbrother explores how women are conditioned to perform certain roles and expectations and The Rehearsal (Dedicated to Augustine) looks specifically at women's gestures in connection with an asylum:

"Photographs consciously reference those made in the Salpêtrière Asylum at the end of the 19th century, where observations of women who had experienced trauma became central to constructing a visual language of hysteria."

In another series, My two blue hearts on your two blue sleeves, Fairbrother looks at gestures of grief.  So gesture is certainly key to her work, and female gesture of particular interest.  I don’t think gesture should be underestimated.  I know from my old acting/drama school days that gesture was something Brecht was interested in and his actors looked at gesture as a way of building a character; gesture of power, poverty, or violence for instance.  

Last year when I was working out what could be done with a camera (I still am but I mean when I was at the beginning of this adventure - a phrase of Fairbrother's to be honest) I took a photograph that was really all about learning how to use a speedlight to give the impression of multiple exposures within one.  While figuring it out I felt nothing like the sense of despair and rage that the image conveyed - in fact I was thrilled by my experiment and had loads of fun playing around with what was possible.  The image did say something of what I had always wanted to say.  I would talk for years about wanting to write.  If someone said 'what do you want to write about?', I would answer - I don't know - just some sort of a horrible scream really.  So when I saw the photograph I was pleased that I had at last found a way to express that.  But it wasn't like acting where I always felt like I was forced to scoop my innards out - it just happened through gesture and a trick of light.  That's not to say it wasn't real and genuine - I think, know, it was.  But I didn't feel it at the surface then. I like that about photography.  It reveals things – a bit like Freudian slips can. When I look at the image now I find it quite embarrassing and think it's pretty crass actually but I do appreciate that it may have been a start of something for me (image here) - and gesture was something that I understood then to be incredibly important.

I've digressed and stopped talking about Jessa Fairbrother and instead talked about ME (ironic, heh?) - so back to her; the rest of the blog post is an attempt to answer the question - what is her work about - more fully. Fairbrother struggles to say it is about her Self and to believe that that is valid.  I don't blame her for having this difficulty – about using the self in one’s work.  It's a tough thing to get over - I know this because I spend ages wondering why I keep working with ME in the assignments for this course; am I, after all, just this vain, narcissistic, ego-maniacal, solipsist? 

Jessa Fairbrother writes,

"Then I skirted, yes, skirted round the issue of “me” – because in my head I was thinking: “Surely it’s rude to make work about ME. Who is interested in the ‘me’ unless the ‘me’ concerned has a very unusual life with lots of dramatic twists and turns?"

and 

"I worry it’s about myself and no one else is interested and it’s indulgent and narcissistic, I said. “Do you think Tracy Emin or Marina Abromovic wake up in the morning and worry about that?”"

I have asked myself the same about Tracy Emin and nearly included some notes on this in my last assignment - but edited it as I'd waffled on for way too long.  I wonder if she does worry but I suspect not – be interesting to find out.

However, I attended a study visit today to see and listen to Elina Brotherus speak, which made me so happy. These questions about working with the self were answered for me fairly succinctly and the great thing was that I began to understand the answers the moment I looked at the work.  We were able to ask questions at the end but Brotherus merely confirmed what I had discovered while listening to her talk.

I will discuss this more in another blog about Brotherus.

In the meantime I will continue to look at what Jessa Fairbrother is doing.  It’s fascinating and she’s certainly looking at some similar themes to the things that swim around in my own head. 

Jessa Fairbrother's blog
Jessa Fairbrother's website

Some thoughts for the colour assignment - FRAGMENTS

I have been wondering how to approach the next assignment - Colour.  As well as that I have picked up one of the recommended books in a bid to 'put right' my slight lack of commitment to reading, or rather the failure to make time to do it.  And thanks to Jayne Kemp, a fellow student on TAOP, I been looking at Alexey Brodovitch's Ballet, a figure who in turn led me to Lillian Bassman & Paul Himmel, who's work I am utterly bowled over by.

In addition I downloaded a biography about Diane Arbus and couldn't help but take a peek and became engrossed (the whys for another blog post), even though I have these other two books on the go (plus a rather difficult and upsetting book about high conflict divorce and the effect it has on children, which I think I have put to one side in favour of the photography books for now - perhaps I have enough of an idea of that for the time being and it's actually preventing me from moving on with this work).

So all these different influences are swirling round in my mind at the moment which will probably go on to inform whatever I end up doing for Colour.

And while I was coming home from a family event today I remembered the sets by Robert Wilson and Robert Lepage both of whose work I was very taken with years ago when studying acting and then working, and obviously taking an interest in theatre - the thing that sprung to mind was the bold colours (and shapes) sometimes used in their set design and overall work.

I am thinking about colour and how powerful it is in creating a sense memory or deeply visceral sensation/ response.  Red, white, blue pictures theses directors create with actors, lighting and set design.

And I think I was reminded of them after seeing the work by Jessa Fairbrother, recommended by my tutor.  When I went to see something by Robert Wilson shortly after my first son was born (can't believe I left such a young baby, one who refused a bottle, for several hours - I never did it again with him or any of the others at that age!!) there was a female character whose movement was stuccato and unpredicatable: there was a very clear lack of fluidity and it reminded me of my baby son's early movements - the brain and muscles were not yet working together and so an arm or a leg would flail about randomly and unexpectedly.  So, Jessa Fairbrother's work, The Rehearsal (dedicated to Augustine) is a series of photos presented in a sequence and almost like a stop frame film but with very big jumps between each image rather than the tiny ones you'd normally expect.  This is what bought the character's movement described above to mind I think.  Fragmented movements.

The word that has been floating round my head for days is FRAGMENTED.

Like many people I suspect, my own childhood memories are rather fragmented.  I have images in my head - a room that feels very orange with soft afternoon light and curtains and a window, or crying whilst wearing a blue long sleeved t-shirt - a memory that is cemented by a photograph of me crying in that very shirt, or the red blood on a black skinned man being beaten and pushed into a van in Cape-Town by a policeman.  These are just a few examples of memories from my very early childhood that contain colours in the imagery as well as the words representing colour in the narrative I have in my mind.

The memories are powerful but I can't tell you very much beyond the little scenes that exists in my head, such as what happened before or afterwards.

The reason I think I mentioned the book above that I have put aside for now is that it goes into much detail about how the development of children who are exposed to warring parents or any form of traumatic experience can and often does lead to fragmentation.  The adults who seemingly can't help themselves from putting their children through this experience are often fragmented individuals who have failed to individuate fully and reacting in the present to traumatic events from their own childhoods.  Events that may have caused some fragmentation which is either never fully resolved or deepens under the pressure of a marriage breakdown.

Fragments of self, fragments of memory, fragments of truth, fragmented movements, fragmented communication, fragmented others

I really want to explore some of the memories, memories that contain colour, memories that are fragments from the past that stay with me always, that I describe with words that represent colour - colours that evoke some sensation, and sometimes quite powerful ones.

I understand that colour can be very evocative either because of the sensation it might trigger or because of cultural symbolism - so for instance blue has classically been seen (due in part to the expense of Lapus Lazuli I think) as powerful, regal, godlike.  And I want to try and find ways to explore using colour to communicate something connected to powerful but fragmented childhood memories that have the potential to transport a viewer (audience?)

Am I being too ambitious now - probably??  The feedback I received was that my last assignment had been ambitious even though I didn't necessarily pull it off in every instance - which I agreed with wholeheartedly. However, I am excited by this ambition - now the desire to express something feels not only possible but desirable having just sat, not entirely inanimately as I certainly absorbed a great deal but probably in quite a blocked way, for so long.

I don't know whether to follow in the style of slow shutter speed or not but looking at Lillian Bassman's work gives me tremendous encouragement and inspiration to do so.  I don't want to simply repeat myself without moving forward but fear I may do so.  I have fragments of ideas but to be honest am not really sure at all about what the final product will be - I like that though.  I'm not sure I like the idea of pinning something down to such an extent that there is no room for surprise and invention.  I struggled to learn this concept at drama school - always starting with an effective but ultimately doomed idea in my head that was too stifled to grow and exhilarate which was a shame for me then,  because had I been able to trust myself and let go I might have enjoyed it all a bit more.
So that's where I am at the moment.

I think the thing to do is get the exercises done over the next two weeks or so if I can before I take the boys camping.  Then get all my colours together for the assignment - whatever those colours will be, cloth, make up, props or rooms - perhaps some coloured gels unless I just use Lightroom for that.  I certainly need to sit down with the colour wheel, the assignment requirements and some coloured pencils and do some experimenting, drawing perhaps, colouring in.  I remember reading that Lepage in a rehearsal will start by getting everyone to draw and write things down on a giant piece of paper - an exercise that potentially unlocks ideas and memories and invention from which the company will then draw upon to begin devising.  I might try to do something similar on a smaller scale for this using the colour wheel and pencils - we'll see.

I am aware that much of this reflective post might seem unconnected and perhaps a peculiar swirl of disparate ideas and references but I think it has been helpful to put my thoughts down, and it will hopefully lead to something more tangible with which to work.

Assignment 2 Feedback

I was a little nervous about receiving feedback from my tutor after submitting the assignment.  So much so actually, that I somehow managed to forget to tell him the assignment was ready for feedback on my blog.  Anyway, we got there in the end and he kindly came back relatively fast especially considering his own limited time, for which I was grateful.

I have tried to upload the whole document here as a PDF but that is tricky in Blogger and I can't work out how to do it.  Will keep trying (and perhaps do the same for Assignment 1) but in the meantime here are some extracts: although having completed this, I like how I can put in my thoughts so maybe this is for the best anyway:

Feedback - assignment 

"Overall, this is bold, thoughtful, ambitious, striking, expressive and fascinating work; more so when viewed in the context of it being only your second assignment of your first module with the OCA. At this point, while students are often still making the adjustment from shooting purely for themselves/ pleasure, it’s unsurprising that many people take a fairly cautious approach to their assignments, producing work that’s less about being bold and taking chances than playing it safe. That you’ve clearly thought about how you can take the assignment criteria and do something that’s ambitious, creative and rather lyrical with it is extremely encouraging. This is an enormously intriguing assignment, from the text that outlines your thoughts and ideas processes, to your final execution of the photography. It doesn’t always come together, but at this point that’s less important than taking chances and having the imagination to even attempt to produce work like this in the first place."

I was very pleased to read the above and felt that the risk I had taken was recognised.  I agreed that in some instances I didn't quite reach what I was hoping for, mainly due to my lack of perseverance and worry about time - which in retrospect was silly.  In future I will endeavour to be sure of all the images I include and not allow a couple to slip under that don't quite do it for me.  I am glad to find out that I can replace the two images I wasn't happy with before being assessed and plan to do so.

Learning Logs/Critical Essays

"The way you’re thinking and writing about your experiences is really engaging and enormously promising. The overview you give of the assignment was extremely readable, and a great accompaniment to the images- there’s a seriousness and determination that is apparent throughout, and everything is always thoughtful, eloquent and extremely readable. More please…

On a techy note, I very much appreciated how you presented the photographs in a full-screen slideshow; it really presented them in a lovely light. In the long run, an awareness of how people view your photographs is something that is incredibly important."

I love writing and have lots to say so I am very encouraged by this.  I have also been noticing how people present their work and am interested in learning new ways to do so myself.

Suggested reading/viewing

"‘I have not read enough’- very honest! It’s hugely encouraging, gratifying and exciting to see someone who’s so committed and willing to take chances and not feel the need to tread well worn paths. Harnessing this adventurous spirit by getting a more pointed sense of what’s out there is certainly something that will give an added sense of purpose to your work- but having said this, your accompanying notes very clearly give a sense of someone who is taking note of what’s out there, and absorbing all manner of things. You’re clearly keen to explore and try new things, and I get the impression that you know anyway that ‘consuming’ more photography and writing about photography will feed your own ideas processes. So keep going…

More specifically, your work in this assignment immediately called to mine a series by Jessa Fairbrother, whose series The Rehearsal (dedicated to Augustine) attracted a fair bit of attention. There’s a similar stylistic approach in terms of the way the work is set up, but also quite a few differences that go beyond one project being in colour and the other in b/w. Yours appears to be rather more concerned with, dare I say, existential matters than Jessa’s… but also keep in mind that work like this that doesn’t loudly flag up what it’s intended to be ‘about’ lends itself to a much more diverse and ‘open’ set of readings by the viewer. This is a moot point in all forms of creativity, not just photography, and scholars in the field of Cultural Studies have been interested in the way audiences have a ‘creative role’ in the production of meaning and interpreting art and culture for quite a long time. Stuart Hall and Roland Barthes are a couple of key figures if you fancy some not-so-light reading around this! Jessa’s other work is also well worth a look."

I do of course aim to read more and I am certainly looking at photographic work a lot as well as other mediums.  My problem with reading the prescribed books is that I am too easily drawn to psychology and social anthropology books which does inform the work I do, but I am aware I need to make sure I don't miss out on important photography commentary too.  I have nearly finished one of the books which was recommended so I don't feel too bad now but this is something I must keep an eye on.  Saying that the writers that have been recommended of course appeal to me (and my slight sense of grandiosity?) because they are looking at all creative arts and theatre has been an interest of mine since I was very young.  I am extremely interested in work that isn't prescriptive.

I have looked at Jessa Fairbrother and was thrilled by her work.  I am inspired and I look forward to seeing more.  I was also grateful to a fellow student who recommend Alexey Brodovitch after seeing my assignment work.  The peer review Facebook group that has been set up has been great for getting to know some of the other people studying, even if only online. 

Pointers for the next assignment 

We’ve already touched on this in email correspondence, so all I want to add is that you should just keep going: the work you’ve submitted so far, as well as what you’ve uploaded to your blog, gives an extremely clear sense of someone who is pushing, searching, and hopefully finding what it is they are looking for. There’s quite a wide array of styles, which rather than suggesting uncertainty and inconsistency, points to someone determined to find an appropriate vehicle to work with… even if this doesn’t necessarily settle into a permanent and easily identifiable visual ‘style’. The notes that you include, highlighting ‘keening, death, love, sex, innocence, isolation and aging’ were very welcome, and indicative of someone who’s very ambitious and wants to use photography to communicate some things that are not easily communicated. What’s also encouraging is that I had quite a big sense of these themes being part of the work before I read your notes, so things are definitely moving in the right direction, and I’m pretty confident that if you can maintain your enthusiasm and obvious work ethic- and put right your sense that you’ve ‘not read enough’!- you’ll continue to get closer to wherever it is you want your work and your studies to take you. Please feel free to drop me an email if you want to discuss your plans for A3.

I have been thinking about A3 quite a lot now and was a bit unsure about how to proceed.  Having looked at Jessa Fairbrother's work though I am beginning to relax a little about it.  I've been uncertain about continuing to use myself in the the work I do here.  However, I was once an actor and the idea of using photography to create my own little productions is quite appealing.  I never felt I was able to express what I wanted to when acting - in large part I'm sure because I was quite messed up and unsure about who I was at the time rather than because of any failing in the people I was working with, or the scripts I was working on, or acting not being the right medium.  But now I have an increasingly clear idea of what it is that is I am eager to express and I think having the tools to do it, i.e a camera might be liberating in the end.  So, for now I am not going to worry too much about being my own little producer-megalomaniac - although not much of a one since I'm potentially only bossing myself around.

As far as an easily identifiable style goes, I do feel slightly ambivalent about closing down and honing in just yet. (One of the things I took away with me from the Richard Hamilton show was how versatile and wide ranging his work was and I liked that a lot).  However, I do also appreciate that finding one's own language is an extremely worthwhile aim.