Assignment 4: Light - My Mother's Name is Eve

Images available here on a website dedicated to all TAOP assignments  - please use a desktop computer to view in fullscreen mode.

"We are not supposed to talk about being lonely.  Loneliness is shameful condition that should be cured, that we sort out by ourselves.... The act of photographing myself allowed me to become comfortable in the present"  Jennifer McClure, fine art photographer, quote from her Laws of Silence set of images.  Read the full quote here.

I have been a bit perplexed about this assignment especially since becoming aware of the fact that it is really a technical exercise which asks us to create eight images of one object showing “shape, form, texture and colour”.    I have chosen me again as in previous assignments: I am the object, but photographed in relation to other objects in my most personal space, my bedroom. This is a development from earlier assignments where I was not relating to other objects.

Perhaps I have once again taken liberties with language – I know the literal point was to photograph one object (I like to think that when I first read the assignment criteria I understood I would photograph me and that I alone would be the object; and that it grew from there).  

The work has been important as far as I am concerned regardless of any possible grading (if I decide to submit for assessment) as it is a definite development in terms of photography from A2 and A3.  It also represents personal development too which is expressed in the images.

All my assignments are really an expression relating to the discovery of a new sense of identity as well as recovery following a painful and difficult divorce.  A4 continues with that but here I also explore my relationship with objects that are reflective of the internalised 'objects' within me. Objects under this term relate to internalised 'interpersonal relations especially between the mother and child'(1). The objects, my relationship with them and how they relate to other objects in the room in my images could be said to be symbolic of infantile relationship structures, which inform the way we relate to people later as adults(2). 

Previously my work was very blurry – I loved that and will no doubt return to motion and more abstract images again.  Playing with movement and camera speeds felt absolutely the right thing to be doing at that moment.  I began to see photography as a kind of paintbrush with which I can create more than mere pictures, rather images or sets of images that aim to be very expressive. 

For this assignment I gradually reached the decision that I wanted these images to be in-focus, honest and with as little artifice as possible - perhaps in an attempt to 'face my own soul'.  I looked at lots of photographers but Jennifer McLure and OCA tutor, Sharon Boothroyd’s work struck me as powerful, honest, complex and extremely direct; and I wanted to aim for something along those lines.

The word 'light', with all its various meanings, has been fairly critical for me over the last two years.  I am constantly bearing in mind a well-known Jung quote ‘There is no coming to consciousness without pain.  People will do almost anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul.  One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”(3)

As well as playing with light in the literal sense, I certainly explore loss and loneliness, therefore 'making the darkness conscious', and I very much hope I have achieved that in as non-self-pitying a way as possible; the reality of divorce is somehow not valued quite as it ought to be by our society, where marriages and long-term relationships end frequently, when in fact working through them might in many cases be a more positive option, although of course abusive situations can be difficult to address.(4).  I would like to think the images provoke thoughts about that aspect of our culture.

I also look at being unable to see clearly, unable to hold things and to feel things due to their intangibility. Objects are partly hidden, tantalising and hardly there, empty, lifeless or absent altogether.

I hope the ideas behind the images go further than looking solely at my own identity, but also feminine identity in wider terms as well as the realities of divorce/separation.  The use of the name Eve in the title refers to my own mother as well as Eve of Garden of Eden fame who according to The Book of Genesis in The Old Testament bit into the forbidden fruit shortly after God created light, thereby 'ruining' the whole paradise thing for all mankind ever after.   

Finally the clothes and the colours and the objects are all carefully considered and symbolic and I am heavily influenced by the plays of Frederico Garcia Lorca in that regard. 

From a technical point of view I have used available light in all the images.  I work most of the time whilst my youngest is at nursery, so many but not all of the images are taken between midday and 3pm.  It would have been nice to do a project showing images progressing through the day but that would take me a lot longer to plan and execute.  I have deliberately left all the dents and knocks in the walls rather than remove them in PS.  I used a cropped sensor and kind of wish I'd used a full frame camera although the cropped sensor is inside a Fuji X100s which provides good image quality.  

I have actually included 9 images as I cannot quite make up my mind about removing one of them;  I think they all play a part in the story and it would be incomplete without.

A collection of rejected images including some that are here can be found on my Flickr page in an album titled Light.  

Please find brief lighting notes following each of the assignment images below - but remember, you can view them via the link at the top of this page in a slideshow.

This was one of the first images I took with this assignment in mind, although I didn't take it thinking I would include it.  The sun streams through the windows into my room and the blind pulled down half way makes this shape which travels round the wall of my room through the afternoon. I can change the shape of the light a little by moving the blind up or down. Taken at 2pm on 8th January ISO 200 f11 1/200

The overcast sky makes the best natural diffuser and I always pray for overcast weather when doing head shots outdoors.
The gentle light works well for modelling and creating form.  The sky is over-exposed really but this was an acceptable compromise for me as I wanted the body to be as well as lit as I could get it but still retaining shadows; I have used a reflector just directly below me and at an angle to bounce some light back.  I didn't quite achieve what I wanted here - I hoped to have some light lighting up my face in a bit of glow, just a touch, as I had that in another image but the mood in this one was right so I went with it here. Taken at 1.30pm on 22nd January ISO 320 f5.6 1/50

The weather was partly cloudy in this one; so quite strong light but still diffused.  It comes again from the windows in the roof.  I think I did use a reflector here to soften the shadows a little, but not too much because I wanted them to be fairly deep.  I nearly included an image with an apple in it with reference to the title of this work but I felt it was too crass in the end.  Taken at 1.20 on 27th January ISO 320 f4 1/200

Again window light through the roof with the shape made by the blind.  It was very strong light and nothing diffused about it at all.  I had to be careful not to blow the highlights especially on the shiny cotton applique.  I just about got away with it  towards the left of the image.  When I printed this to take to the South West study group I should have been aware that the darks needed lightening ever so slightly for paper as they were too dark but they are just as I want them here lit up by the computer screen.
Taken at 2pm on 8th January ISO 200 f11 1/200

Strong sun, no diffuser.  Shapes made by the shadow of the chest of draws and the light coming though the window in the roof.  I like the matching pattern made by relationships between various objects - drawers, window, wall.
Taken at 1.45pm 14th January ISO 640 f2 1/1000 (I should have reduced the ISO for this and used a slower shutter and can't quite remember why I didn't - not thinking properly)

The light coming though here was very strong and quite orange and I had to play around with WB quite a lot to remove the orange as I didn't really want it.  I liked the strong contrast - it highlights the texture of my hair and the folds in my clothes.  I did not use a reflector. The shirt in places could be dangerously close to being over-exposed but isn't.  The light is again shaped by the window. Taken at 2.40pm on 22nd January ISO 250 f5.6 1/250

The blind is fully open here so no shape.  I think this is where there was a thin film of frost on the window too adding yet more diffusion to the light which was already coming from quite an overcast but bright sky. Taken at 9.50 on 28th January ISO 320 f2.8 1/30

This is taken at dusk with the WB set to incandescent.  There is some banding.  I have changed the file to 32 bit in PS but it's still not entirely gone.  The shapes are made by a lamp on the floor.

Taken at 4.40pm on 12th February ISO 200 f2.8 1/100

This is a small crop because I was just setting up and working things out so sadly the reflector takes up rather too much of the original image but the light changed very suddenly as a storm passed over and created this lovely mood which was perfect for what I was trying to achieve.  If I had to print it might be quite degraded which is a shame.  In fact there is some weird blotchiness in the wall which I have tried to fix by changing the image to 32 bit in PS - not sure it's helped that much.  Perhaps I should have deleted this from the assignment submission altogether because the quality is not good enough or tried to reshoot it.  The red is well exposed as I had earlier attempts where the highlights were ever so slightly over-exposed - the cloth and the colour were tricky to get right and I had quite a few attempts from another day where the images seemed underexposed too. Taken at 12.10 on 28th January ISO 400 f2.8 1/40

Assessment Criteria Reflection

Demonstration of technical and visual skills: I think I have shown that I have a reasonable grasp of how to compose a photograph and use my camera - where I have made odd choices with exposure settings such as with the light reflected on the wall photograph I am at least aware it was not the ideal choice. I have included one image that is quite a small crop because the content of the image works within the context of the set but I am aware it would have been better not to have to crop so tightly. I don't think I've done anything terribly fantastic in some of the exercises leading up to the assignment - and perhaps could have put more effort in to a few of those.
Quality of Outcome: I think this is a reasonably good assignment although I have completely gone off in my own direction so perhaps in terms of what was required it isn't.  In terms of where I'm at with photography I see it as a progression.  I am not sure about the new website I have where I have collated all the assignment work - perhaps I just have not found the right template but I do think it works well to have all the work there together.
Demonstration of Creativity: I suspect this is a creative way of demonstrating working with light - and although I have not stuck to the brief I have given an indication I know how to make use of natural light at least fairly adequately. I am aware I have not demonstrated much knowledge of working with lights here.  I chose to use natural light because I was alluding to time passing in my space.
Context: I have looked at quite a lot of other work and in fact have not got round to writing all of it up yet, although I have written quite a bit.  I have certainly been influenced by other work and I think it shows.  I have not read enough about lighting theory.  Instead I have been reading about photographers and also looking at literature which I know will may influence future work.  Finding time to fit it all in is not easy and I have tended to go to the places I feel will be most useful for me at the moment.  I have written quite a lot in my log - perhaps too much blather - but there is more critical stuff to write really and I need to get back on track with that.
Finally, I do not know if baring my soul in this way makes for good art, good photography or is indeed any good for my mental and emotional state.  Jennifer McClure talks about photographing her fears so she can feel comfortable with them and I suppose I have photographed my emotions as they are now and I can't really say I do feel all that comfortable with it.  Perhaps in time to come.

(1) Object relations theory - quote taken from Somoma University Psychology site
(2) Wiki site on Object relations theory
(3) Site about Carl Jung
(4) Cut Loose, Rutger University Press 2006, Kindle Edition